Sick of Thinking

       

       One of my favorite quotes is by Charles Caleb Colton, "Those who finish by making all others think with them, have usually been those who began by daring to think with themselves."  Thinking is the opportunity to open a door to rich power, it is the ability to transcend past the boundaries of speech and action. With that in mind, it needs to be known that AP English is my favorite and most hated class for this very reason. Never before have I been provoked to think so intensely in a high school class. Needless to say, I can get sick of it. Whether I want to or not my mind is constantly intrigued and can't help but lift up the heaviest questions of mankind and feel the weight of them on my shoulders until my conscious can explore enough possibilities to be satisfied with my new found ideas.

       Today in class we began discussing the concept of Existentialism. The idea that life has no meaning but we can create our own worth. Therefore, we confronted questions like; what is truth, what are we waiting for, and where are we heading. Existentialism, seems to, challenge every natural answer I had to give to these questions, being a follower of Christ. And that wasn't even the problem so much, the conflict really aroused in me when my teacher mentioned knowing some people who were "completely content not understand the unkown." You mean some people are not back-breakingly seeking a solid answer? This idea was strangely appealing to my weary mind. 

       We ended class by beginning the novel, Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. Which only strengthened my unavoidable new-found "I don't know" idea. The two men in the novel, Vladimir and Estragon, went on to talk about the Gospels and Jesus dying with two thieves next to him. In the most innocent way, they discussed the puzzlement of different witnesses telling the story differently. The conversation dwindles with this:

VLADIMIR:

But one of the four says that one of the two was saved.

ESTRAGON:

Well? They don't agree and that's all there is to it.

VLADIMIR:

But all four were there. And only one speaks of a thief being saved. Why believe him rather than the others?

ESTRAGON:

Who believes him?

VLADIMIR:

Everybody. It's the only version they know.

    
       They have a valid argument that is so easily expanded into daily life's many circumstances. But nonetheless, if someone asked me why I believed that one thief was saved, what would I say? Because the Bible says so? Which could easily be debated to be "Because it's the only version I know?" My confidence in the Truth hasn't been swayed at all, it's just that the holes in the story have become more evident. Will I ever know the actuality of those holes? So the question is, to be content with "I don't know" as a response and good-enough reason or not?

       I have no answer or conclusion to sum this all up, I have only these thoughts to think about. The idea that simply not knowing something is okay.  Is it possible that sometimes "I don't know" is all we're suppose to know? I don't know. But it seems worth a shot, to be content enough with the unknown, to just say I don't know a little more than I did before.

 

Fate: you can call it what you want

       I've been thinking over this idea of "fate." And in reality, humanity gives many different names to something that is generally one concept. For example; destiny, purpose, calling, or fate. Any of those options will do. 

       We were discussing this very concept in class and I was inclined to think about it further when my pastor brought it up at church. He said something along the lines of, "If you are worried about who is going to win the presidential election, don't. God already destined it." And my only problem with this statement is that it can imply that nobody needs to vote. One of the biggest discussions we had about the subject was when someone said how they didn't understand how anyone could believe in, both, fate and freewill. The statement my pastor made can be taken as if freewill isn't necessary, but in reality, I think that it is because of freewill that fate can happen. If no one voted then we could say that no one would be president (atleast we could say it wouldn't still be a democracy, but that's a whole other story.) I think that God knows our thoughts, therefore surely knows the choices we will make. And because of this, there is this fate or destiny or whatever, that is known by Him just not by us. So the next president of the united States is already known, just not by us. And its our exact freewill and vote that makes it happen.

       Philosopher, Friedrich Schiller, once said, "Fate hath no voice but the heart's impulse." He was speaking about the disbelief in fate, but despite that, I actually agree with him in a way. It is our heart's desires that direct our choices and it is those very choices that He knows and inevitably makes up the intricate puzzle of fate. We don't know where our fate starts or ends, so how could it ever sway our freewill? It seems as if the only thing that arrives us at our fate, without fail, is following the deepest impulses of our hearts.

Skinning Humanity

   
       In class we discussed somethings Ellsworth Toohey wrote in "One Small Voice" in The Fountainhead. One quote is "We are all brothers under the skin-- and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it." I think this so effortlessly portrays one of the biggest problems that we have in society; that most people aren't willing to skin humanity.

       In all aspects of America, I think there comes a position a person can hold where they are no longer treated as a "brother under the skin." The first example that comes to mind is the current Presidental campaign. Naturally, humans are critical and judgemental people. But the Majority has become a population that doesn't want to get deep into a person's life, but just wants to do what they have to for themselves. When looking for a President it seems a lot of people don't want to see the person they just want to see the facts, but humanity has never just been facts. 

      It is a small example but I think it transcends into many areas. Our society becomes uncomfortable with beyond skin-deep. If you truely get to know someone then you care, and you could hurt with them, and you could care too much to any longer be willing to step all over them for selfish motives. What if humanity was skinned? We were all vulnerable together and played off eachother's natural strengths. We were all simply human, so my ideas could be just as powerful as the President of the United States. So that arises my complete agreement in being willing to skin humanity. I would be amazed at a movement that reminded everybody that we are all only human after all. 

    I marvel at the thought of what society might look like if everyone just looked at one person throughout their day and thought "They are only human" before judging them. I imagine we'd all experience a new kind of kindness and sensitivity with the say honest realness. And would we not still get to the same place? Would we not still have a leader?  A strong economy and society? It just might be a better kind.