Sick of Thinking
One of my favorite quotes is by Charles Caleb Colton, "Those who finish by making all others think with them, have usually been those who began by daring to think with themselves." Thinking is the opportunity to open a door to rich power, it is the ability to transcend past the boundaries of speech and action. With that in mind, it needs to be known that AP English is my favorite and most hated class for this very reason. Never before have I been provoked to think so intensely in a high school class. Needless to say, I can get sick of it. Whether I want to or not my mind is constantly intrigued and can't help but lift up the heaviest questions of mankind and feel the weight of them on my shoulders until my conscious can explore enough possibilities to be satisfied with my new found ideas.
Today in class we began discussing the concept of Existentialism. The idea that life has no meaning but we can create our own worth. Therefore, we confronted questions like; what is truth, what are we waiting for, and where are we heading. Existentialism, seems to, challenge every natural answer I had to give to these questions, being a follower of Christ. And that wasn't even the problem so much, the conflict really aroused in me when my teacher mentioned knowing some people who were "completely content not understand the unkown." You mean some people are not back-breakingly seeking a solid answer? This idea was strangely appealing to my weary mind.
We ended class by beginning the novel, Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. Which only strengthened my unavoidable new-found "I don't know" idea. The two men in the novel, Vladimir and Estragon, went on to talk about the Gospels and Jesus dying with two thieves next to him. In the most innocent way, they discussed the puzzlement of different witnesses telling the story differently. The conversation dwindles with this:
- VLADIMIR:
- But one of the four says that one of the two was saved.
- ESTRAGON:
- Well? They don't agree and that's all there is to it.
- VLADIMIR:
- But all four were there. And only one speaks of a thief being saved. Why believe him rather than the others?
- ESTRAGON:
- Who believes him?
- VLADIMIR:
- Everybody. It's the only version they know.
They have a valid argument that is so easily expanded into daily life's many circumstances. But nonetheless, if someone asked me why I believed that one thief was saved, what would I say? Because the Bible says so? Which could easily be debated to be "Because it's the only version I know?" My confidence in the Truth hasn't been swayed at all, it's just that the holes in the story have become more evident. Will I ever know the actuality of those holes? So the question is, to be content with "I don't know" as a response and good-enough reason or not?
